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A COLLECTION OF EMAILS

Text Box: PERFECT FOR: Recovery Library Collection Plane, Train or Car Trip Hospitals Waiting Rooms Labor Rooms Redneck Trucker Friends Or Just Home Alone!!

Book Title: ‘A COLLECTION OF EMAILS’

We believe this to be the first compilation of more than 400 humorous, touching and informative emails from 2003 to 2007 (including over 400 colored photos and cartoons). We have organized this collection in a sophisticated, upmarket, tasteful and consistent format, while maintaining the original intent of humor. A book worthy of your coffee table... (not tucked away in your bathroom). A collection you’ll enjoy reading again and again. So laugh out loud and enjoy! A great gift for any occasion at $19.99 (+ shipping). Purchase 3 or more books and shipping is FREE.

Book #1 has a gloss paperback cover, is 6”x 9”, 7 chapters, approx 275 pages, bright white content pages, all printed on the finest paper available. This book has no pornographic, obscene or ‘excessively’ profane content (just a tad off-color)! SCROLL DOWN PAGE FOR MORE INFO...

FRONT COVER

BACK COVER

FUNNY

BOOKS LLC

Newport Beach, CA

FUNNY BOOKS, LLC

260 Cagney Lane, #313

NEWPORT BEACH, CA 92663

Woman-Owned Minority Business

www.acollectionsofemails.com

belejo@roadrunner.com

ww.belejo@roadrunner.com

Billie Jo Mouren

Gwen Andersen

Tele: 949-646-6661

Fax: 949-646-6667

E-MAIL:

belejo@roadrunner.com

info@acollectionofemails.com

WebMaster:

Jason de Guzman

of Costa Mesa

BLONDE - CAR

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see the blonde behind the wheel, Karina, was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!” “NO,” Karina yelled back, “IT’S A SCARF!”

TIDE

Dear Tide,

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it all of my

married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red

wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started

to belittle me about how clumsy I was and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on

my new white blouse!

I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative and, to my surprise, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me the DNA tests on my blouse were negative

and then my attorney called and said I was no longer considered a

suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect. I thank you once

again for having a great product.

Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.

BEER vs MAKEUP

She told me we couldn’t afford beer anymore and I’d have to quit

Then I caught her spending $65 on makeup

And I asked why I had to give up stuff and she didn’t

She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me

I told her that was what the beer was for

I don’t think she is coming back...

MEN ARE LIKE . .

Men are like .....Laxatives..... They irritate the crap out of you.

Men are like.....Bananas..... The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like .....Weather..... Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like .....Blenders..... You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Men are like .....Chocolate Bars..... Sweet, smooth and they usually head

right for your hips.

Men are like .....Commercials..... You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like .....Department Stores..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

Men are like .....Government Bonds..... They take soooooo long to mature.

Men are like .....Mascara..... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like .....Popcorn..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men are like ..... Snowstorms..... You never know when they're coming, how

many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

Men are like .....Lava Lamps ..... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Men are like .....Parking Spots..... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

REMEMBER - LIKE A DUCK

Calm and unruffled on the surface; paddle like the devil underneath

Be surprised, like you were born yesterday

Live like it is Heaven on Earth

Work as if you did not have to work

Love as if you have never been hurt

Dance as if no one is watching

GO FLY A KITE

A husband is in his backyard trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up, the wind catches it for a few seconds and then it comes crashing back down. He tries this a few more times with no success. All the while his wife is watching him from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how ‘men need to be told how to do everything’. She opens the window and yells to her husband, “You need a piece of tail.” The man turned around with a confused look on his face and said, “Make up your mind. Last night you told me to go fly a kite!”

“Light and entertaining. Great bathroom reading! Can’t wait for Book #2.” Bob in CT.

“The book arrived in perfect condition. It is sooo funny we laugh at each turn of the page. It’s easy for us to read and understand? Fathima, my expecting daughter, has already decided to take the book to the labor room! It is adorable, hilarious and even stupid ... WE LOVE IT ... Congratulations!” Helene in SWEDEN.

“Well, Well, well ... The book makes emails actually entertaining, fun and worth keeping .... more than I ever imagined an email could be!” Dave in Nashville, TN.

“You chicks never cease to amaze me; you have a real hit here. I only wish I would have thought of the publication before the two of you! Congratulations!” Ted in Boca Raton.

“Thank you, Billie Jo and Gwen. I read the book to my husband while he was recovering in the hospital. I think the humor really helped in the healing process;

both mentally and physically.” Doris in Chicago, IL.

“Hi Ladies, your book made our trip during the holidays tolerable. My husband thought

it was hysterical!” Marge and Jason in Charlotte, NC.

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About Us

FROM: Two Wild and Crazy California Chicks

Billie Jo and Gwen met several years ago while both working in the same industry: Custom Cabinet Design and Sales. Recently, we took a trip and while sitting on the beach in Cabo decided to try our hand at something new... We have been exchanging funny emails for years. Billie, unbeknownst to Gwen, had been printing and cataloging all of the emails for about 3 years. Somewhere between the 3rd and 4th margarita we came up with the ‘brilliant idea’ to coordinate the 500 to 600 collected emails and try to put together a book (of course, by then we thought we were pretty funny and real smart)! Hence, we came home, started our new task and 70 days later, wallah! We set up the publishing/parent company of FUNNY BOOKS, LLC, finished coordinating, editing and designing, selected a fantastic printer, setup the website and got Book #1 done. We are counting on our readers to submit more emails (to our email address) to contribute to Book #2, which we look forward to publishing. Also, we would love to receive your reviews and any good ideas or contacts you may know for marketing our book. We appreciate all the information we receive that might help sell our book. We think we have put together a very tasteful, upmarket and stylish HUMOROUS PRODUCT.

Reviews

REMEMBER: For personalized (autographed) books contact Billie Jo via her personal email: belejo@roadrunner.com NO RETURNS

Tax rate is 7.75%.

SHIPPING IS FREE WITH AN ORDER OF 3 OR MORE BOOKS. FOR INTERNATIONAL ORDERS OR ORDERS OF 10 BOOKS OR MORE CONTACT BILLIE JO (BE SURE TO INCLUDE YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER).

Prices are in US dollars and subject to change. We ship all over the planet by USPS. All int’l orders are shipped by Global Priority. You MUST email or telephone Billie Jo (949) 646-6661 for global shipping rates. You select your shipping method and ‘ship to’ address at checkout. Orders may be delayed due to credit verification, availability of merchandise, etc…

NOTE: Out book is now available as an ‘ebook’. To access our book in ebook format go to: www.ebook.com Click Humor Click Download or View in Browser ENJOY!

A Collection of E-Mails

Book #1

Amusing Hilarious Witty Funny Adorable

Billie Jo Mouren Gwen Andersen

Authors Note: To some, e-mails seem senseless but we believe an e-mail is worth printing if it made you think, laugh, cry or share. Hence, this collection of yours and our memorable e-mails. This book is intended for people with a seriously-humorous attitude. The e-mails herein embrace no one. Everyone and every subject are ‘fair game’. We take absolutely no responsibility for your reactions. We hope you laugh out loud and we thank each one of you for buying our first book.

A Tasteful Collection

for the Sophisticated Humorist